Whatever Happened to Being Considerate?

Be considerate of others. It is one of the earliest lessons I remember learning as a child. I learned it from my parents and grandparents, my Sunday School teachers, my pastor, the lovely saints of Gallatin First Presbyterian Church, my mentors, and my teachers at school. Some of them said it out loud, but mostly I learned from watching them and how they acted. Maybe I'm looking back through rose colored lenses. Maybe people in my family and church and community weren't as considerate as I remember. But I had to learn it somewhere, right? Who else would it have been?

To be considerate is to be kind and thoughtful of others. It means putting others before yourself. It can be as simple as holding a door open, letting someone go before you in line, or leaving the last bite of sweet potatoes for someone else. It's simply being aware that other human beings exist and understanding they have thoughts and feelings and desires and fears, just like you.

Being considerate is part of what it means to be a Christian. Jesus summed up being considerate in one special rule, "In everything, treat other people the way you would want to be treated." Paul argues for the ethic in his letters to the Corinthians and the Philippians. "Treat others as if they were better than you" and "Seek the welfare of others" is how he puts it. This second one is language he borrows from Jeremiah who urges the Israelites in Exile to "seek the welfare of the city" to which they have been exiled. "For in its welfare," he continues, "you will find your welfare."

It isn't just Christians who value this ethic of putting others first. All the major religions of the world have some form of the "Golden Rule" as it is called. It's one of the things that unites people of every faith. It's also just part of being a human being, according to two interesting sources. 

Charles Darwin (we all know who he is) argued that our instinct to be considerate is even stronger than our instinct to be self-serving. Research conducted by Dr. Dacher Keltner (professor of psychology at UC Berkeley and host of the podcast The Science of Happiness) showed that our brains react exactly the same when we see other people in pain as when we experience pain ourselves. Watching someone else experience pain also activates the structure deep inside the brain that's responsible for nurturing behavior, called the peraqueductal gray. He also showed that when we are considerate of others, the brain's reward center is triggered, which elevates the feel-good chemicals dopamine, oxytocin, and endogenous opioids. This gives you a great feeling, similar to what is known as "runner's high," plus all that oxytocin is good for your heart.

To recap - that's Christianity, every other major religion, Charles Darwin, a hero of atheists, and a psychology professor from liberal bastion UC Berkely, a favorite of secularists, ALL in agreement that part of being human is being considerate of others. So here's my question: What is wrong with us?

Is something wrong with our brain chemistry? Are we all infected with some disease that blocks those feel-good chemicals in the brain when we are considerate? Are Confucius, Buddha, Jeremiah, Jesus, Paul, Mohammed, and Charles Darwin ALL wrong???

Also - what are our children learning? This is perhaps the source of my greatest concern. If I learned to be considerate from watching the adults in my community growing up, what are the children of today learning from watching us, the adults in their community and on television?

Here's just a quick glance at the top stories today:

- An older man (I can't call him a gentleman) in Florida who didn't want to wear a mask pushed his way into a Wal-Mart, knocking over the greeter that tried to stop him because Wal-Mart has a policy that customers must wear masks.

- A noose was left in the garage stall of Bubba Wallace, the only African-American NASCAR driver and outspoken supporter of Black Lives Matter who pushed for a ban of the Confederate Flag at NASCAR events, at the Talladega 500.

- Protesters at said Talladega 500 insisted on their right to display the Confederate Flag as a matter of pride in their heritage, despite being told by African-Americans that the flag is painful to them. (And in spite of it being the flag of a country that took up arms against the United States of America.)

- The President called peaceful protesters a disgrace to our country.

- A person who tested positive for Covid-19 was so angry at the health department for being placed in quarantine that they posted on social media that their civil liberties had been violated, and then posted the name, address, and phone number of the public health official that had called them. The health official received threatening phone calls and letters from around the country.

This is just the last few days. If you have watched any news over the last several years you will know, this is the rule, not the exception, when it comes to our behavior these days. Just in the last month I personally have witnessed people yelling at each other in stores, calling each other names, expressing an unbelievable amount of anger towards one another. One of our neighbors told my wife that their friendship was over and to never speak to her again after my wife told her, lovingly, that she didn't agree with something she had said.

Civil discourse has been replaced with uncivil discourse - not just in the local grocery store but in our neighborhoods, over our television and radio airwaves, in our schools, in our homes, and even in our churches.

Given what's at stake, wouldn't it be nice if people started being more considerate? Wouldn't it be nice if we put our energy into being kind and thoughtful of others? Wouldn't it be nice if people actually lived according to the teachings of whichever belief system they fall into - either one of the major religions in the world or atheism or secularism?

Wouldn't it be nice if we could treat each other with civility? Civility means the exercise of patience, integrity, humility, and mutual respect, especially with those with whom we disagree. Civility doesn't mean we retreat from our convictions, it means being a decent human being who treats other people as human beings. Our politics is almost devoid of civility these days, and I think the lack of consideration is one of the by-products. 

The virtues of civility - patience, integrity, humility, patience - are not just political values, they are theological ones, as well. We who are Christian call them the "fruits of the Spirit". When applied to our public conduct, they can infuse our conversations and interactions with grace. And I think more than anything, we need more grace in our conversations and interactions.

I realize that I may just be "a bored pastor that can't determine how to spend his time other than producing pontifical meanderings to the congregation," as one anonymous, inconsiderate person quite hurtfully said on our reopening survey a few weeks ago. But I truly think this is important. After all, if we Christians can't be considerate of one another in the church, if we can't be civil to those whom we are supposed to love, what hope is there for our society?

Grace and peace...

PT